Are You Confusing Approval With Alignment
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no
Hi my friend,
Let’s have a heart-to-heart.
When you’re chasing a goal or making a decision, do you ever stop and ask, “Is this mine to do, or just mine to prove?” (I know, I feel called out, too!)
In The Ambition Trap, I talk about how high achievers often confuse approval with alignment. When we’ve been praised for how hard we push, how much we give, or how perfectly we show up, it’s easy to slip into performance mode.
Performance mode sounds like:
“Will this make them proud of me?”
“When I achieve this thing, I’ll finally feel worthy.”
“I have to make this happen, it all rides on me.”
Purpose mode sounds different:
“This feels like a full-body yes.”
“Even if no one clapped, I’d still do it.”
“This leverages my gifts, is aligned with my values and the impact I want to have, my needs are met, and it helps me cultivate contentment.”
If you’ve got a big choice (or small choice for that matter) on the table, I want you to ask yourself:
Am I doing this for validation or because it feels like mine to do?
If no one praised me, would I still be proud of this?
Is this driven by fear of not being enough or by my deep-seated purpose and love for what’s possible?
There’s no shame in wanting to be seen and celebrated. We all want that. But when performance becomes our only setting, we lose our internal compass.
Your ambition is sacred. Let’s treat it that way.
With you in purpose,
Amina
PS: If you’re part of an organization or community where folks are burning out on performance and craving deeper purpose, I’d love to bring this conversation to your team. Workshops, keynotes, fireside chats - reply here so we can set up a time to talk.
Community Spotlight
My dear friend Nitika Chopra recently launched Truth Talks on Substack—your weekly dose of veracity and soul-level honesty. If you're craving real talk about healing, self-worth, and the messy beauty of being human, this one’s for you. And she has even more goodies for her Inner Circle.
My wonderful pal Claire Wasserman of Ladies Get Paid has an incredible toolkit for job seekers right now. It’s called the Get Hired Dashboard. If you’re looking for a new role, or plan to be soon, you’re going to want to check it out. Also! Her Substack is chock-full of brilliant insights for seekers.
My brilliant friend Ruchika Tulshyan has a powerful new book coming. Uncompete is now available for pre-order! With clarity, heart, and razor-sharp insight, Ruchika invites us to rethink the toxic culture of competition and reclaim a version of success rooted in equity, care, and wholeness. If you're ready to unlearn hustle and lead from a place of purpose, this one’s for you.
My luminous teacher and friend Dr. Deganit Nuur is opening portals with her upcoming book, Imagine, now available for pre-order. It’s a gorgeous guide for anyone looking to heal, manifest, and live in deep alignment with their highest self. This is the book I wish I had when I was first learning about intuition.
My generous and insightful friend, Dr. Payal Beri is offering two powerful versions of her Founders Breakthrough VIP Day—both designed to help visionary leaders bring their next evolution to life. Whether you need strategic clarity to scale your offerings or want to create immersive storytelling experiences that make your mission felt in the bones, this is a transformational container. If you or someone in your world is holding something big, send them Payal’s way.
Career Forecast
This month’s pull brought us Ancestors, Love, and Compassion—a beautiful and powerful combination. The Ancestors card invites us to connect with those who came before us, not just to receive their wisdom but also to tend to any lingering ancestral wounds. Healing these patterns supports our lineage both backward and forward.
Paired with Love and Compassion, this spread calls us to reflect deeply on our relationships—with ourselves, our work, our money, and our communities. The Love card asks us to witness where love already exists in our lives and where we want to bring more intention and care. Spend a day or two noticing the different forms of love around you. Love asks us to build better relationships—with ourselves, our partners, our businesses our finances etc.
And through it all, we’re reminded to root our actions in compassion. In a world that can feel more divided by the day, it’s easy to build walls instead of bridges. But where might it serve us—and our work—to lead with empathy? Where can we soften and connect more deeply? And equally important: where is it more compassionate to take down a bridge and lovingly set a boundary?
This is a month for tending—to your roots, your relationships, and your heart.
Book me to speak: If you are interested in bringing the conversation around purposeful ambition to your organization, conference, or ERG, hit reply to this email and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Work with me 1:1: If you’re interested in building a more purposeful and profitable career, the joyful way, book a consult right here.
