Honoring Your Value (Even in This Economy)
What it means to know your worth when others won’t
Hi my friend,
As The Ambition Trap makes its way into the world, I’ve been having daily conversations with ERGs, conferences, and organizations who want to bring me in to speak about the work. Many of them have been wonderful - respectful of my time and expertise, and happy to pay my speaking fee, no questions asked.
And then… some don’t.
Recently, I was in conversation with a global Fortune 100 company about programming for their women’s group. They inquired about my fee and then quickly told me they only had a $500 budget. For context: for those of us who make a career out of coaching and speaking, that’s a fraction of what we typically charge. They explained they had spent 95% of their budget on their International Women’s Day speaker (lucky them!).
And yet still, I was open to collaborating. My goal is to get the book into as many hands as possible, so I got creative. I offered to waive my honorarium if they committed to a minimum book purchase. They declined, citing shipping logistics. Instead, they asked me to speak for free and offer a discount code so employees could potentially buy the book themselves.
My eyes glazed over for a moment. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve been in this position.
Let’s name it: this is not what economic justice looks like. A group that claims to champion women was asking a woman of color (with chronic illness btw!) to work for free and give away her intellectual property. Intellectual property that touches on understanding the value of our labor and knowing our worth, no less. I am a small business. They are a Fortune 100. The power dynamics are glaring.
So I did what I often do in these moments: I took a beat. I didn’t respond in real-time because I knew I might say something that wouldn’t serve me or the relationship. Instead, I journaled about their audacity, regulated my nervous system, and came up with a plan.
Before beginning this book tour, I made some promises to myself. I outlined my ideal fees and I outlined my floor—the minimum I could accept and still show up fully, generously, and without resentment. I write about this in the book, too. Those parameters exist for a reason: they help me live above the resentment line. And if I had accepted this company’s proposal, I would’ve been living way below it and not walking my own walk.
In my journaling, I also came to see this isn’t personal. They do this to everyone. And they probably have little awareness and understanding of the economics of my business, publishing a book, and even the power dynamics between us. But it feels very personal when it’s happening to us, but this is just their modus operandi. Once that was out of the way, I could get creative about making this work for me and them.
So I went back to the group and said I could waive my honorarium for a virtual session—but only with a minimum book buy. I offered a couple of options that felt aligned and fair. I explained that while I’m happy to be flexible, I also want to be thoughtful about sustaining the work I do—especially in spaces that are focused on uplifting women. (This woman gets to be lifted, too).
Guess what? They found the budget. And they agreed to buy the book.
Funny how that works.
There’s a lesson here for all of us. Sometimes, we say yes when we mean no, and then we stew in resentment, depleted and mad at the world. And sometimes we take it so personally, we can’t find a way out and through. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can stand firm in what we need to show up fully for the work we’re called to do. We cannot do it well if we haven’t had our needs met. And we often think people can’t tell when we’re resentful, but guess what, they sure can. It doesn’t serve us, and it doesn’t serve them. So why not just hold your ground? Yes, even in this economy.
And no, I’m not saying be a jerk. I’m saying get crystal clear on your floor—what you need to feel nourished, supported, and whole—and be willing to walk away from people who won’t put their money where their values are.
To holding your ground and filling your bank account,
Amina
Book me to speak: If you are interested in bringing the conversation around purposeful ambition to your organization, conference, or ERG, hit reply to this email and let’s schedule a time to talk.
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