What a 1-Star Rating Taught Me About Shame, Shadow & Surrender

The harshest reviews can reveal the deepest healing

Last week, I woke up to my very first 1-star rating on my book. No review. No commentary. Just a lone star from someone who clicked and bounced.

At first? It stung. Because… come on. I really don’t think I wrote a 1-star book. You might not love it, and you might not love me, but even then, it feels like a 3-star situation at worst.

So I did what any reasonable person might do in a totally irrational moment: I looked them up. Turns out, they’ve left nearly a thousand 1-star ratings for other books. One thousand.

Then, I decided to take action. I reached out to community members who hadn’t yet left a review and invited them to share if the book had been meaningful to them. They did. And I went to bed proud of myself for doing my part.

And then… When I woke up the next morning, I saw another 1-star rating roll in. Again, no review. Just a rating. And that person? Connected to the first.

Oof.

Cue the shame spiral. Then the shadow work. Then, eventually, the surrender.

But this second one made me laugh because it felt like God was saying, “Girl, I know you think you can control the situation, but how many times I gotta show you that you can’t!”

This is exactly what I wrote the book about. We get to be ambitious and have a desire for more life. That’s our birthright. And as historically excluded people that may rub some folks the wrong way (my editor told me when your reviews are high, sometimes people feel like they have to take you down a peg! DAMN!). But that doesn’t stop us from taking up space. We need to look at our own mindset, our own internalized bias, work on the talk tracks in the way, and then move ahead with love and courage.

Midway through mining the pain, I had another realization. I was hyper-focusing on the two people who weren’t obsessed with the work and discounting the 95% of people who I deeply admire and were leaving glowing reviews (Including legendary journalists and teachers!). You ever hyper-focused on the negative and thrown out the positive? Uff, why are we like that?! lol

And when I woke up to that second 1-star, I knew: this was the arena Brene Brown talks about. Not everyone is going to like you. And most people won’t ever dare to get in the ring, but they’ll have plenty to say from the cheap seats.

What matters is that I showed up. That I put on my gladiator suit. That I wrote the most honest, heartfelt, well-researched book I could. That it has already sold more than 97% of books ever will. That I shared my work with the world, knowing full well not everyone would clap. That is purposeful ambition. That is courageous vulnerability. And no one-star rating will ever take that away.

Here are a few things I reminded myself that might help you, too, when you feel that old trigger bubbling up:

1. Anticipate your shadow.

Perfectionism. Fear of failure. The voice that says "You’re not good enough." Invite those voices in before the spotlight comes on, so you're not surprised when they sneak up.

2. Ask: What is this really about?

A 1-star rating wasn’t about my book. It was about my nervous system still believing I have to be perfect to be safe. It was about the shame of the world seeing my “mess.” But the best way to release the shame is to bring it into the light. So here I am, putting it on blast.

3. Remember who you're here for.

Your work isn’t for everyone. And if it tries to be, it won’t matter to anyone. Speak to your people. Let the rest scroll on by.

4. Get support.

Reach out. Let someone remind you of who you are. I did. It helped. It always helps.

5. Stay in the arena.

The more you show up, the easier it gets to remember that you are not your ratings, your likes, or your applause. You are your courage. And that? Is unshakeable.

Here’s to doing brave work, even when the reviews aren’t glowing. Especially then.

With love and courage,
Amina

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